live love

its easy to look back and note the selfishness..
life is a process.

i had a really big urge to hang outside my window naked yesterday ..
sometimes i just leave the blinds up.
i don't care really.
i just like the sunlight to come in
and i like being naked.

I'm gonna get pissed if someone sees me and causes a stir ..
mostly the stir part.
let me be.

when i was camping wes and i went back and forth. we were out in the woods so its easy to get loud and not feel bad about it. i like arguing with him. for some reason i always have this feeling like its gunna be OK .. cause he'll always be my friend. and if he says something really awful to me i don't mind standing up to him. respect.

i also started thinking about how we are a part of nature.. more so than the things we "make"
humans are soft, fleshy and imperfect.
some trees bend this way
others that way
and a fire dances and spits
destroying wood
while creating heat and light.

when your surrounded by all this man made perfected bull-shit
its easy to feel inferior and unsatisfied.

i cant remember what else i wanted to say.
oh i'm really sick.
and there is no one to take care of me.
things to note on being a hermit:
when there is no one around
there is no one to blame.
this is good and bad.

the best way to re-spark appreciation is to just... take it all away.

i've been spoiled rotten all my life.

now my friends make lots of money and live in nice houses.

i feel like my story is just beginning. like all the other stories were someone elses.

people are unpredictable. this can be scary. this can be wonderful.

and all the love and thankfulness to any soul willing to dance with mine.. or to even dance near.

we are more than lucky.

i just wish i could better express my gratitude for all these painful lessons.

but all i know is to keep speaking of them
as to acknowledge them..
not that they even require that..